


Hello, I'm Captain Jack Harkness

by lylo369



Series: What We Were, Are and Have Yet to Become [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Adventure, F/M, Fun, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-06
Updated: 2011-08-06
Packaged: 2017-10-22 07:38:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/235707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lylo369/pseuds/lylo369
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Set somewhere in the middle of the Doctor’s future/past travels with River and before Children of Earth and Miracle Day, when Jack was less angsty. It somewhat reflects the Doctor’s interactions with River through Jack’s eyes.<br/>*Note: Thanks for following. Again, this is how I WISH things would happen, and isn’t necessarily meant to reflect the reality of the relationship, so just go with it and have some fun. My muse kind of went on vacation this week, so I hope it doesn’t disappoint!</p>
    </blockquote>





	Hello, I'm Captain Jack Harkness

**Author's Note:**

> Set somewhere in the middle of the Doctor’s future/past travels with River and before Children of Earth and Miracle Day, when Jack was less angsty. It somewhat reflects the Doctor’s interactions with River through Jack’s eyes.  
> *Note: Thanks for following. Again, this is how I WISH things would happen, and isn’t necessarily meant to reflect the reality of the relationship, so just go with it and have some fun. My muse kind of went on vacation this week, so I hope it doesn’t disappoint!

**What We Are, Were and Have Yet to Become, Part 2:** **_Hello, I’m Captain Jack Harkness (Re-edited 12-28-11)_**

The Maldovarium wasn't the safest place in the universe to go for a pint-not that many alien bars in this sector were-but it was exactly where one went to procure information for exploits of a clandestine nature when necessary. It just so happened that the person who had the information that the Doctor needed this time was the one person he thought he'd never see again.

Captain Jack Harkness.

The tail of his wool coat fluttered behind him as he followed the Doctor down a dark, non-descript hallway in the neglected underbelly of the Maldovarium, rambling on and on with the same frenetic exuberance and suggestive innuendo he always used to try to charm someone into giving him what he wanted.

"…So and I said to them," he chortled, tugging on the Doctor's sleeve to slow his pace, " _Uh, sorry guys, but that WASN'T a cucumber!"_

The sound of Jack's deep, bellowing laughter echoed through the desolate hallways around them, but when it faded, it was quickly followed by nothing but the steady clang of water dripping onto metal and the quiet hum of the building's generators while the Doctor just stood there, eyeing him blankly.

"Don't cha get it? It wasn't a-"

"No, I get it." The Doctor scratched his chin absentmindedly, clearly not amused by the bawdy anecdote. Jack threw his hands up in the air and huffed as the Doctor spun around and continued on his way through the ever-narrowing passageways.

He shook his head and sneered, realizing that if it hadn't been for the fact that the Doctor had recognized him first, he probably would have come and gone from that bar without ever knowing they had crossed paths again, and for a moment, it saddened him to think that the time they spent traveling together-him, the Doctor and Rose-was now probably nothing more than a minor footnote tucked away in an small chapter of the mental history book of this new Doctor's past. Even with the hundreds of lifetimes he himself had left behind, Jack had always counted those days as some of the best times of his life, with all the running and shooting and bliss of not being the man in charge. So much had happened since then, but he was sure that there were still good times to be had. There had to be.

"You know," he mused as he watched the Doctor try to figure out which way he needed to go, all bumbling, lanky arms and legs, "you seemed to have lost your grown-up sense of humor with this younger face."

"Rubbish," the Doctor responded as he fiddled with his sonic to illuminate the path in front of him.

"Yeah, you have. Time was you would have laughed at that story and topped it with one of your own. But now…you're all work and no play. And more importantly, what's with the bow tie?"

"I wear a bow tie now. Bow ties are  _cool_ ," the Doctor answered in complete seriousness.

"Uh, okay," Jack replied dubiously. "If you say so."

"I do say so, so respect the bow tie and promise to behave yourself or I'll leave you back there with your hairy mates at that bar!"

"Alright, alright! I promise. I'll be good! Scout's honor." Jack raised his right hand in an oath, while secretly crossing the fingers of his left hand behind him like a rascally child all set to get in trouble the moment his parents' backs were turned. Whatever was next, it would be so good to not have the weight of the world or the fate of humanity resting on his shoulders for once; even if it was just for a little while.

"Very well then," the Doctor sighed reluctantly. "You can come along just this one  _last_  time. Now where in the world did she… _Aha_!" he shouted as the dim light of the sonic finally found the bright blue doors of the Tardis at the end of the hall. "Here we are!"

The big, white letters of that old police box were a welcome sight to Jack and he couldn't wait to see the inside of her again. He was barely a step behind the Doctor, and as this new version of his old friend ran up to unlock the doors, Jack moved to go in ahead of him but halted right at the entrance. " _Whoa_ …" he proclaimed with a ruddy grin followed by an exaggerated wolf-whistle.

The Doctor leaned to the side to try and discern what it was that had Jack so captivated and his eyes instantly shot wide open at the sight. A woman-and a  _drop-dead_  gorgeous one at that-was standing quite scantily-clad at the Tardis console. She was stretched on her tip-toes to reach into the upper part of the console, her hair an untamed mass of strawberry blond curls, the pale, smooth skin of her belly and thighs streaked with smudged, black finger prints.

"Blimey!" The Doctor muttered to himself, still frozen in his tracks and more than slightly awe-struck.

"Hello, sweetie," she crooned to the two men, completely unfazed neither by her lack of attire, nor their reactions to finding her that way.

"Well Hello!" Jack answered as he fixed his collar and then sauntered forward. "I'm Captain Jack Harkness. And  _WHO,_ may I ask _,_ are _YOU_?" She stepped back from the console and turned in his direction, giving him a complete visual once-over from top to bottom before she spoke.

"Doctor River Song."

" _Doctor_  River Song? Ooh, nice. You must be a handy girl to have around."

"Oh, I am," she responded matter-of-factly, wiping her hands across the tight muscles of her abdomen as the two men walked up the steps towards her. "But I was talking to  _him_." She cocked her head towards the Doctor and strolled over to him. "And what sort of time do you call this? I've been waiting here alone for hours and The Tardis has been in quite a snit."

"Why? What happened to her?"

"It's the environmental controls. They've gone completely haywire and it's jumped nearly twenty degrees in the past hour."

"Yes," the Doctor replied as he fanned himself, "I'm getting that. But why are you all…" He stepped between her and Jack and flailed his hands about as he motioned to her nearly non-existent clothing, a lacy, black bra and what could possibly have passed for a half-slip had there been enough fabric, "… _exposed_?"

"Because it's incredibly hot in here!"

"Oh, it certainly is!" Jack growled as he peeked over the Doctor's shoulder and shot River a lascivious wink before starting to take off his coat. The Doctor whirled around and pointed at him sternly.

"No! No more taking off of the clothing!" he yelled with surprising displeasure. "And you," he grumbled to River, pointing that same accusatory finger in her direction, "What did you do to make her mad?"

River rolled her eyes and shook her head, her fists balled at her hips. "I didn't do anything. I was working on the control panel  _exactly_  as you asked, and things suddenly started going all wonky." Ignoring the Doctor's temper tantrum, she moved back to the console and stroked the side of the Tardis' scanner as if it was a sick child's forehead. "I think maybe she doesn't like the anomalous electromagnetic signature of the environmental field surrounding the city."

"Or maybe," Jack offered, flagrantly ogling her much to the chagrin of the Doctor, "she just enjoys watching you run around in your knickers." He winked at her again and waited for her response, but all she did was raise one eyebrow in such a way that she might as well have just laughed him, obviously unmoved by his attempt at bravado. Then she did something unexpected. She waltzed over to him and re-fixed his collar, patting him on both his shoulders as she leaned in to whisper in his ear.

"Actually," she purred in a low, sultry tone, "I rather think that the Tardis prefers it when I am  _completely_  out of my knickers, right my love?"

Jack knew that although River was talking to him, that little endearment was most definitely meant for the Doctor, who blushed beet-red and loosened his bow tie before clearing his throat. He flashed a self-conscious, sideways glance at Jack as he stepped forward and led River gently but quickly by the arm back to where she had been working.

"Yes, well…um…getting back to the Tardis…"

River chuckled, and without skipping a beat, held up a torch to the bundle of the wires and tubes dangling down from the center console. "I managed to trace the problem to the atmosphere monitoring subsystems and was getting ready to bypass the thermo couplings through the protyon unit."

"Don't be silly, you can't do that! You'll just end up either freezing us to death or worse…burning up the entire thing! And I am  _not_  in the mood to have my atoms blown into a giant cloud of glowing Time Lord bits today."

"I'm telling you, it's going to work."

"And I'm telling  _you_  that it won't, so just go slide over and let me take care of it. I'll just need to find some magnetic field sensors first." The Doctor turned away from the console and tentatively made his way down the stairs, looking back at Jack and River before disappearing and shouting from around the corner. " _Don't either of you touch anything while I'm gone_ _!"_

River scoffed and rolled her eyes agains, but still smiled as she crossed her arms in front of her and leaned against the edge of the control panel. The seconds ticked away with an awkward silence as she looked at Jack, he looked at her, and then they both started to look around the console room in a vain effort to avoid more eye contact with each other. Well, she was avoiding making contact with him. He was more than happy to feast his eyes on her and welcomed the chance to study her further, duly impressed by this woman who was as different from Rose, Donna and Martha as a five-point star was from a grain of salt. She was obviously exceptionally intelligent if the Doctor trusted her to get elbow-deep into the Tardis' innards, but even more obviously, she was stunning. And stunning in a way that demanded attention. Even standing there smeared with grime and sweat, she was luminous. She also had a manner of speaking, not just to the Doctor, but also to him, like she wasn't intimidated by anything or anyone, that was entrancing; icy-cool, viciously sarcastic and wildly sexy. He bit down on the corner of his lip and decided to walk over to her, leaning against the console on one arm while trying to put on his best smoldering, flirtatious game face, which, to his disappointment, she responded to with nothing more than an amused smirk.  _A challenge_ , he thought to himself. He loved challenges. And so he dared to step a little closer.

"So…a doctor, eh? And what, exactly, are you a doctor of?"

"Archeology." She answered, watching him suspiciously. "And what, exactly, are  _you_  a captain of?"

"Well, I'm not  _really_  a Captain right  _now_ , per se…"

"Ah, I see. Well mister  _'Not really a Captain'_ , why don't you make yourself useful and hold this."

River shoved a tray of tools and random mechanical parts into Jack's hands, and although she was practically making no effort, the force of it made the tray thud hard against his chest.  _Incredibly strong,_ he mused to himself.  _Possibly not entirely human._  He made a mental note of that as he watched her hop up onto a flat part of the console to get a better reach into open access panel, holding the tray up for her as he followed the track of the beads of sweat that rolled down the curve of her spine while she worked, mingling with the smudge marks until they trailed grey lines down her skin and into the lacy edges of her slip-skirt-underwear thing. She was muscular, but lean and evidently quite flexible. Then there were her eyes, all cat-like, full of fire, and an intriguing shade of green that changed color depending on the angle of the light. But there was something else about her…something he couldn't quite put a finger on. She was roaming around the Tardis half-naked as naturally as if she had been on it just as long as the Doctor and it responded to her instantly, almost affectionately. He'd never seen anything like it before. Not even after Rose went and looked into…well, that was a long time and a different lifetime ago. This was a whole new console room with a whole new Doctor and a whole new whatever-River-Song-was.  _Conversation_. He needed to start a conversation.

"You seem to be pretty comfortable with these controls. How long have you been traveling with the Doctor?"

"Oh, a very long while now."

"Really? And how long's  _a very long while_   _now_? Did he have you hidden in one of his secret rooms? Because the last time  _I_  travelled with him was barely four, five years ago, and I definitely would have remembered it if I had met  _you_."

"I'm afraid it's rather complicated."

"What's so complicated about it? It's a simple question that begs a simple answer."

"Simple? If you really knew the Doctor as well as you claim to, you'd know that nothing's ever simple when it comes to him."

"Ah…being evasive. That's interesting."

No, she wasn't being evasive. She was being  _protective_. Jack realized it the more he studied how River's expression and body language tensed up and changed under his scrutiny. It was very subtle, and most people wouldn't have noticed it, but he'd been alive for a long, long time now and he could tell when a person was hiding something. She just hadn't known him long enough to be aware of that fact, or the advantage it gave him in verbal volleys like this one, so he let the silence linger for a moment before seeing how much further he could take it.

"Are you in love with him?"

River stopped what she's doing, looked down at him crossly and scoffed. "Excuse me?"

"The Doctor. Are you in love with him?"

"You're rather cheeky considering we've only just met."

"Cheeky? I'm just trying to make polite conversation."

"Well that's none of your business." Jack peered deeply into River's eyes and he could see that he'd struck a nerve, but it became especially evident when he tried to inch his way a little closer to her and suddenly felt the sharp end of a chronometric stabilizer poking him in dangerous proximity to his nether regions.

" _Ooh_ …I'm sorry," he responded contritely, unwilling to test her dexterity. "I crossed the line." He backed off slowly; raising both his hands up in the air as a sign of surrender, and found himself squirming under the intensity of her red-hot glare until she and returned to her task with an irritated scowl. "Look, River, erm…Doctor Song…I think you and I started off on the wrong foot and I know it's all my fault, but I'd like to try again. I realize that have no reason to trust me because right now I'm nothing more to you than some devilishly-handsome, mysterious stranger from the Doctor's past, but I think that once you get to know me, you'll find that I'm really quite a guy.  _Really_. I am. Ask the Doctor."

River laughed genuinely, shaking her head without looking back at him. "I bet you are."

The smile softened the strain in her face, assuring him that it was safe to proceed with conversation again. But just in case she was still harboring a lingering inclination to gut him, he resigned himself to admiring her from a few paces away as the Doctor trudged back into the room, a trail of metal bolts and nobs clanging onto the floor behind him. Jack straightened up instantly and folded his arms behind his back. "I'm behaving. See? No hands. "

"Good," the Doctor answered with a propitiated nod before turning his attention to River. "Oi! What part of  _don't touch anything_  did you not understand? Get down from there!"

"It's okay, dear, I'm almost finished."

"Finished? Finished  _what_? What are you doing?" he grunted in frustration. "River, that does  _not_  go there!"

"Yes, I know, my love." She looked down for a moment, patted the Doctor on the cheek and continued what she's doing despite his protest, peaking Jack's interest again.

Enthralled by their interaction, he noticed that River barely flinched when the Doctor leaned into her  _much_  closer than he had tried to get, positioning himself between her slightly-parted knees with his palms resting nonchalantly on her upper thighs as if it was no strange thing to either of them for his hands to be there. And his hands stayed there the entire time…even as the two of them squabbled back-and-forth about what parts went where while the Doctor tilted his body even closer to try and see what she was doing. But it wasn't until the he almost subconsciously started tracing little circles against her skin with his thumbs that Jack noticed lick her lower lip and writhe ever so discreetly.

For Jack, it was fascinating, in a voyeuristic kind of way, to see this side of the Doctor because, as far as he knew, the Doctor had never had a relationship that was so blatantly… _physical_ …with Martha, Donna or even Rose.  _As far as he knew_. This Doctor River Song, however…everything about her-from the way that she moved to the distracting way the spirals of her hair fell across her face to the way she practically purred when she spoke-was flagrantly physical. She was like all the light and fire and wonder of the vortex itself embodied in a living, breathing, flesh-and-blood person. How could the Doctor possibly resist her? And why would he even want to?

His mind raced as he imagined all the delightfully titillating things that the two of them might have done in those quiet moments between adventures, River Song and the Doctor, all alone on the Tardis with nothing but time and space and the whole of the universe at their disposal…and it made him quiver. Even the Tardis herself shuddered and whimpered, and for a moment Jack wondered if she knew what he was thinking. He could still feel part of her even now…that part of her energy that made him immortal…and it filled him with a familiar warmth that ached in him like he hadn't ached in a long time. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, bracing himself against the console until at last it started humming softly and then finally, with a soft hissing sound, cool air started circulating again. Just in time too, because he was starting to sweat and it wasn't entirely because of the temperature.

"There, there old girl," River cooed to the Tardis, stroking her center column lovingly, "That's much better, isn't it?"

The Doctor's hand joined hers as they looked at each other and smiled. "What did you do?"

"I fixed it," River beamed proudly, sliding off of the console and wiping her hands on her stomach again, leaving even more dark smudges across the milky-white flesh. And good god, it was  _still_  sexy.

Jack observed as the Doctor's prior vexation melted into admiration and then into something else entirely as their eyes remained fixed solely on each other while they started flipping switches and levers on the control panel in tandem, giggling like a couple of teenagers. He suddenly felt the need to clear his throat and remind them that he was in the room too.

" _Ahem_ …well done, Doctor Song." He patted her on the back, then walked over and elbowed the Doctor in the shoulder. "You know Doctor, I have always admired you taste in companions, but this time you've outdone yourself. This one is truly extraordinary."

"Yes, she is," the Doctor responded to himself more wistfully than he intended before he remembered who he was talking to. "Um, I meant yes…she is quite brilliant. Very clever indeed. But she's not my companion. Not really. Well, she  _is_ , sort of…though rather  _more_  than just a companion…"

"Hmm,  _more_  than a companion? Doctor, is there something I should know here?"

"Well, River is not my companion because she is, or I should say in  _her_  future will eventually be, though she kind of is now in a way …" he swallowed hard and chuckled bashfully, "my wife. In a manner of speaking."

"Your  _wife_?" Jack practically choked on the words, not quite sure if he was more shocked by the married part, the River part, or the fact that he was shocked about being shocked. " _Wife_? As in…married?"

"Yes, that is generally how one acquires a wife."

"But…how is someone your wife  _in a manner of speaking_? She either is or isn't."

"She is… _was_. I mean, there was us, and the Ponds and hands being bound on top of a pyramid, and then we un-broke time and it never happened, but THEN there was that  _other_  time when we-" River cut him off, wandering back around from the other side of the console and resting her hand on the Doctor's shoulder as she took over the explanation.

"What the Doctor is  _trying_  to say is that yes, we are married, but he and I are traveling in sort of opposite directions through time…back to front. My past is his future, and his future is my past," she continued, her voice taking on a hint of melancholy. "I've known the Doctor all my life, and yet  _this_  Doctor has only known me- _this_  me-for a relatively short while, although I think that right now we are somewhere around the middle of our time line. I know that it really makes no sense at all and shouldn't even be possible, but somehow it is, and we manage to make it work. Don't we, sweetie?"

"Of course we do. Time is  _not_  the boss of us!" The Doctor grinned from ear to ear and used a small handkerchief from his pocket to wipe away a few smudges of dirt from River's cheek with a few delicate, lingering strokes while Jack stood there in amazement, profoundly moved.

"Wow. I can see it now. And I think it's pretty amazing."

"Yes, it definitely can be," River whispered, her eyes fixed on the Doctor's with a loving, dreamy mien as she squeezed his arm gently before turning back to Jack. She exhaled heavily, as if the weight of living her life in such a non-linear way had become lighter just by being able to talk about it, but just as quickly as she had let her guard down, she changed the subject, pointing to Jack's wrist. "Speaking of amazing, that's a very interesting watch you're wearing, Captain."

"Oh, this old thing?" Jack answered, looking down at the device. "It's not a watch. It's a vortex manipulator from the days back when I was a Time Agent. It lets me travel through time without the use of a Tardis. If you're a very good girl I just might let you play with it."

Jack wiggled his eyebrows playfully. He knew he was probably overdoing the hubris, but the mood needed lightening and River seemed to be more than capable of rising to the occasion. The Doctor, however, shot him a cautionary glare before quickly doffing his blazer and pulling it closed possessively around River.

"No," he cautioned her as Jack jeered, "No playing with the Captain for you, my dear. It's much too dangerous."

"Dangerous?" River asked, intrigued.

"Yes. You see, our friend Captain Jack here hasn't told you that he wasn't just a Time Agent back in the good old days. He was a  _rogue_  Time Agent…not to mention a swindler and a thief."

Jack gasped in mock indignation. "Doctor, you wound me!"

"Oh trust me, Jack. It's just as much for your own protection at it is for hers. This one," he motioned to River, "She is not exactly, as you put it, a good girl either. Well, no, she  _is_  good in many ways…very good indeed, but she's also  _quite_  the handful. Aren't you, dear?"

River shrugged, feigning innocence. "Me? I assure you, I have  _no idea_  what you're talking about."

"River," the Doctor chastised with a playful smirk, "Give it back."

River harrumphed, rolled her eyes and then removed Jack's squareness gun out from where she had hidden it under the blazer and slid it back to him across the console.

Jack jumped back, nearly tripping over his own feet as he looked down at his empty holster, completely stunned that he hadn't noticed River had even taken it to begin with. " _What the-?_  Hey! How did you do that?"

"Handy girl to have around, remember?" River smiled mischievously and walked away from him, slipping on a pair of impractically high, red heels that had been hanging on the handles of the Tardis' scanner, and just for a split-second, those shoes made him wonder if she hadn't been planning this entire scenario all along.

"Ooh," Jack exclaimed, impressed by her cunning and swagger, which now seemed to far surpass his, "She IS clever! And has a thing for guns too. She really  _is_  a bad girl!"

"Well, you can't say I didn't warn you."

"But I so love 'em when they're naughty."

"Oi!" the Doctor protested, "Forgetting the ' _she's my wife'_  part?"

"Don't worry my love," River replied reassuringly to the Doctor as she threaded her arms into the blazer's sleeves, "I'm only interested in him for his wrist wear." She strutted over to Jack and fingered the thick leather strap of the device, her lips parted seductively. "It's so much easier to hide than a big, blue box."

"Now, now, River!" the Doctor scolded. "It's not nice to insult the Tardis when she's so very fond of you! Besides, that thing is cheating. It's cheap and dirty time travel."

"Cheap and dirty?" Jack responded with a chuckle and a randy wink. "Oh Doctor, I  _love_  it when you sweet talk me!"

"No! I didn't mean, um …" he coughed nervously, "I meant that...oh forget it! We should just go now. You know…planets to save and all." With that, he took River's hand and led her away from Jack. "Now you…" he cautioned her with a tap to the nose, "keep your hands  _off_  of the manipulator. And you," he motioned towards Jack, "you keep  _your_  hands off of…well,  _everything_."

"Bugger," River chortled as she slinked up the stairs. "He never lets me have any fun!"

"Ha!" the Doctor cackled in response. "As if I could ever stop you! You'll actually get your hands one of those things someday, and then you'll be even  _more_  impossible to keep track of!"

"Really?" River exclaimed as the doctor escorted her to the stairs. She climbed onto one step and turned into his arms, tugging on his braces. "How exciting! Which one will I have? The gun or the vortex manipulator?"

The Doctor leaned into her, resting his hands on her hips while he gazed into her eyes, all the teasing and friskiness replaced with a sweet, longing affection that conveyed something much richer and deeper than anything as simple or as ordinary as marriage, if it were possible. " _Shhh_ ," he whispered up to her, resting his index finger on her lips, "Spoilers!"

River laughed heartily-although Jack couldn't imagine what could be so funny about the word spoilers-then she lifted one hand to brush a stray hair from the Doctor's eyes and stroked his cheek before slipping gingerly out of his arms. "You know," she said, stopping for a moment to snuggle inside the tweed blazer he had put on her, "I rather fancy this look on me. What do you say you let me try on the rest later?"

"Oh, River Song...you bad, bad girl. What ever am I going to do with you?"

She hummed softly and let the blazer slide bewitchingly down her arms until it dropped onto the floor. "Whatever you want, sweetie;  _whatever_  you want." Then with a wink, she turned around and slinked off to her room.

The Doctor inhaled sharply and then turned to head back to the console with a flushed, almost giddy expression on his face. "What?" he asked when he noticed Jack staring at him with a suspicious smile.

"So…you say she's going to be your wife… _in the future_?"

The Doctor stammered a bit before abandoning any thought of discussing it further. "Oh shut up."

Jack laughed out loud, enjoying how it felt to have the Doctor in the hot seat. He followed him back to the console and were preparing to discuss their plan for the mission ahead when River poked her head around the corner, bare shoulders hinting that what little clothing she  _had_  been wearing earlier had since been removed.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but now it seems that there's a problem with the water in my shower. Would you mind coming to take a look?"

"Oh," the Doctor murmured softly as he looked over to River then back to Jack, "Really? That's odd. But I suppose I should check on it before it gets worse. The last time we accidentally flooded the Tardis it took weeks to dry everything out."

"Yeah, I'm sure," Jack chuckled to himself as River flashes  _him_  a wink this time.

"You'll have to excuse me."

"By all means," Jack answered, watching as the Doctor backtracked up the stairs slowly and disappears around the corner with River. "And if you need a hand in there, you know, with  _anything_ , just give me a holler." When he was sure they were gone, he snickered mischievously. "Oh, this trip is going to be  _SO_  much fun!"

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

This story was based on the following photo prompt. Take a look at it and tell me that were you Jack or the Doctor, you wouldn't have been thinking what they were thinking: [Lace](http://spoiler-song.livejournal.com/239299.html)

Next chapter: _I Know All Your Faces_


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